pink, brown, yellow, orange and blue, i love you: January 2012

So, my whole plan went to shit. I obviously didn't write out Jude's birth story on his birthday. But anyway, here's day 3.

To be honest, the night between day 2 and 3 (wednesday night) was frightening. It was by far the toughest time in the hospital. They had me laying on my left side, because that's where Jude's heart rate was the best. There were a few times that they let me flip to my right side. It was sweet relief each time, but each time it was short lived. Within a couple of minutes of switching sides, the machines would start beeping, and the nurses would come rushing in. Jude's heart rate dropped every single time on my right side. And it was just too much stress for him, so we stopped trying. Once we realized that I was stuck on my left side, I tried to get some sleep. Unfortunately, that was also interrupted. I started to get a fever and they said that my body was trying to make it uncomfortable in there so that Jude would want to come out. (They were kidding, right?) So I was fed more medicine. Then they had to start pumping fluids into me because it had been more than 24 hours since my water broke and they were worried about infection. By this point in time, I was a science experiment gone bad. I was on my 4th or 5th bag of pitocin. I was on my third doctor. I was on my 4th nurse (although the ones that had to leave did call in to check on me to see if I had had him yet- they were very sweet there).

Finally, at 6 am, I was at 8 cm. EIGHT! I was so excited. Family members started coming back to visit. (Only now on reflection, do I remember that John was the only one that stayed Wednesday night, and he slept through all the craziness. I think my family decided that I was never going to have the baby and was just going to live in the hospital, therefore, quick visits in the morning were all that were needed.) Needless to say, the adrenaline had dwindled for everyone. But it picked back up when I told them how close we were to meeting Jude. And three hours later...nothing happened.

I was still 8 cm. 8. Just 8. They gave me a deadline. I had one hour to progress. If I was still at 8 cm at 10 am, then I was getting a C-Section. I was so pissed. I had not gone through all this work and all this time to have a C-Section at 10 am on Thursday. No. I was pissed, but I was also so tired I just didn't really care anymore (except I was more pissed that if I had a C-Section I couldn't eat solid food for another 24 hours. No. Way.)

**Interjection in the story- I can't remember when exactly this happened. I know it was towards the end of my labor. The doctor was very adamant about doing a C-Section. The nurse knew I didn't want one and told the doctor to give her some time. I think this is the nurse that was with my overnight on Wednesday night because she wasn't there when I delivered, but she was there when I was 8 cm. Anyway- that nurse saved my birth story. She single-handedly bought me the time that I needed. If not for her, I would have had a C-Section. So, super important interjection in the story, but I just can't remember where exactly it goes. (Which is why you don't wait for a year to write down your birth story) I also know that nurse said she had done that with several other patients. It was her specialty.**

Somehow, it happened again. When they came to check me at my deadline, she said the most beautiful words I had ever heard. "You're ready to push!" I honestly never thought those words were going to come out of a nurses mouth. I had my family come in to give a quick good luck, and we got set up. I was already in position when there was a knock at the door. My sister had just shown up and wanted to come in and see me really quick before we started. I said no. Which is really my only regret out of the whole birthing experience. I should have let her come in and say hi before I started pushing. I still feel bad about that.

As I was starting to push, I said to the nurse (in between the pushes) that I couldn't believe we were at that point and that "at this time yesterday, I thought for sure I'd be having a C-Section." She replied with "we're not out of the woods yet." To that, my exact thought was fuck that. When they told me I could, I pushed as hard as I could. I could feel everything on my right side, but nothing on my left. It was a good balance to keep me in check and letting me feel when to push but not being in insane pain.

They told me that at some point they may have to lay me back in order to get his shoulders out, which ended up happening. Because he is an exact replica of his dad, who has really broad shoulders. After 30 minutes of pushing, my little cone-headed bean was out. It was incredibly surreal. I didn't cry. I think I was in shock that he was finally here. I felt like my labor would never end, and after 30 minutes, it was done. I still had to get put back together but it was done. I could see my son. He was puffy from fluids and, seriously, had the biggest conehead I had ever seen, but he was beautiful.

I was super jealous that John got to see Jude while I was getting stitched up. Luckily, the doctor had him get the camera right before he came out, so he got pictures of Jude fresh from the womb (that sounds so gross) and was taking pictures of him being weighed. He was a good photographer! I was happy that my nurse came in with TWO diet cokes for me. Sweetest lady EVER.

It took almost an hour for everything to be settled back before we could have visitors. When our families finally came in, they were most definitely more emotional than me. I think they all cried. It was pretty amazing. That, and the fact that I was on my 4th diet coke in an hour. The worst part was when the families dispersed and the nurses took Jude to the nursery to get all clean. I didn't want to let him out of my sight, but quite frankly I was so exhausted, that I didn't really care.

I could write a whole book on the hospital stay, but I'll leave it at this for now. Hell, it literally took me over a month to write this one post. (I'm not a very good blogger. I need a laptop.)