Closing in on the first year

I can't believe that in less than a month, my baby, The Dude, my little bean, my peanut is going to be one. It seems surreal. My goal is to post his birth story on the one year mark. I will make it happen! The plans for the party are finally in motion. I hope everyone that loves him and cares about him can make it and can celebrate with him. I have to say it's been an amazing (almost) year.

The poor dude is sick right now, which always sucks. It's just a little virus, but that makes his asthma act up and we have to up the breathing treatments, which he hates. He doesn't like to sit still for 30 minutes and it makes him sleepy, so he fights it the whole time.

After a bath, boogies in tow

He's getting so close to walking on his own, but every time he steps out of him comfort zone he falls, which leads him to not even want to stand. So he keeps crawling at lightening speed. I still can't believe how big he is. And I can't believe how lucky Stem and I are to have him.

Cuddling with his seal- my old (fake?) beanie baby from over a decade ago

Hitting the seal on the wall. Cause that's the fun part.

Stem and I finally had a date night. The Dude stayed with Grandma K for a few hours while we dined at the fine establishment of the Fern Creek Applebees. Then we went bowling. I didn't take any pictures. Except of the awesome bowling shoes Fern Bowl had. I so wanted to steal them.

The coveted bowling shoes

A few more pictures, although the first ones totally deserve an explanation. Stem's mom (Grandma E) likes to buy The Dude clothes. She gets him awesomely fantastic clothes. The last shopping spree included 3 sleepers. One was orange stripes with a dinosaur, one was blue with guitars and the other one was white with frogs, mushrooms and hearts. I wasn't there when they were given (the weekend I was in St. Louis) but apparently my sis-in-law started laughing when Stem pulled the frog one out. The trim on it was pink and the collar had slight ruffles and of course, was pink. Of course, it was meant for a girl. Grandma E, slightly embarrassed, offered to take it back. Stem said no, and that he loved it. When I saw it, I had the same reaction. It's adorable! I have no issues with my son wearing pink. Will it have any bearing on the person he becomes? Absolutely not. Is it an adorable print? Absolutely. Does The Dude look cute in it? He looks cute in anything, so again Absolutely. It's not going anywhere and he's already worn it three times. I do have to say, it made me realize how masculine his features are already. Most babies, if dressed in the "other gender's clothes" will look like the gender those clothes were intended for. But not Jude. He looked like a little boy, wearing an outfit with some pink in it. Wow, that was a long explanation. Here's the pictures:

The closest we got to a good picture and of course, Ang is right there.

Sneak attack kisses from Ang

Getting a good picture of the two of them? Good luck.

If anyone thought Grandma E messed up with the frog outfit, then she totally redeemed herself with this one. "Every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man."

I'll update later

But for now, here's pictures

I never have time

I never have time to update this thing. Sometimes (all the time) I wish I could be a (part-time) stay-at-home mom. I wish I had more time to spend with my son. I wish I could just spend all hours of the day soaking in his awesomeness. I love that kid more than anything.

I read a lot of mom blogs and several of them are written by moms who have lost children (babies). I sat last night, exhausted, wanting to go to bed, but trying to organize ALL of my clothes and getting Jude's birthday party planned and figuring out Halloween, making sure all the grandparents get to see Jude, etc. My mind was swirling. I was tired. I wanted to go to bed. John was asleep on the couch for the second night in a row. I had asked him to put Jude down and he didn't budge. I sat down in the rocker with him and turned on his lullabies and tried so hard to get him to sleep. He wasn't having it. He kept grabbing my glasses, grabbing and twisting my nose with his sharp fingernails (which I basically got yelled at at day care for. Screw you guys. Have you tried to cut an almost 11 month old's nails? It sucks.) He was pulling my hair and kept going back to my glasses, which, if he breaks them, I have no back up and no money to get more. I kept gently saying no, and pulling his hand away. His face was so sweet while he was doing, but it hurt. I tried to stay calm with him. I was getting mad. Then I remembered all the baby-lost parents out there and I felt guilty for getting mad. I figured any of them would gladly trade me places and have a baby scratching their face and pulling their hair. So I started crying. I finally walked out to the living room, yelled at John and made him put Jude down. I still feel guilty for getting aggravated with Jude. Which is ridiculous. Just because I am one lucky person to have him in my life doesn't mean I need to be happy that he's scratching the hell out of me. I think I feel so much empathy for the baby-lost parents that I feel like I should enjoy every single minute and praise everything Jude does. It's unrealistic. As much as we want to believe, kids are not perfect. If I get aggravated with Jude it doesn't mean that I love him any less or don't appreciate every minute I have with him. I have high anxiety and I think with reading these other mom's blogs, I worry even more that something will happen to Jude or I will jinx him. I really need to relax and enjoy my time with him.

Which takes me back to wanting to be a stay-at-home mom. Or at least a part-time one. I remember reading a blurb in my HR class in college about two moms who filled one position at a company. One mom worked Mon, Tues and Wed morning, and the other one worked Wed afternoon, Thur and Fri. Any other moms out there want to split a full-time position with me? (I wish. Unfortunately, the mortgage, utilities, cable, insurance and wireless companies don't want me to be a part-time stay-at-home mom.)

Anyway, here's the half-weekly dose of pictures.

Confusing Angie by ringing the potty bell (a wind chime the dogs hit to tell us they need to go out. Yes, they're geniuses)

Mischief in the cabinets

Confusing Suzzy (our best door chime hitter)

All I have time to do is...

post (a lot of) pictures from this week.

Bright flash- dark car

Pumpkin butt!

Sisters in St. Louis

Cool funeral home sign in St. Louis

We were in St. Louis to see The Ladybirds (from Louisville) and the Martha Graham Dance Company

I highly recommend you check out both of these groups.