Lions and Tigers and Bears...Oh My!

We took The Dude to the zoo yesterday for the first time! I'll have pictures for the next post hopefully. I really don't know if he liked it or not. He had fun with mommy and daddy, but I don't think he paid any attention to the animals. I did manage to get him to look at some fish; however, when we showed him the monkeys, he was more interested in the fencing. I was hoping we could get him to feed the giraffes, but we had missed all the shows, trainings, and feedings. I still had a blast and we're going back on Thursday. We've had a membership for over 4 years, and I think we've gone twice not counting yesterday. I'm ready to get some use out of it, especially now that the weather is actually cooperating and he's old enough to not just sleep the whole time.

I brought The Dude to work with me for the morning today. It was interesting. He used to be great here. Now, not so much. He's just too inquisitive and wiggly. Which is adorable at home. It's very annoying when you're on the phone with a carrier and he pulls the cord out of the phone. I liked having him here, but was ready for him to go home with daddy pretty quickly.

I had the biggest scare yet on Saturday. First, I should start with the fact that right now, The Dude has an ear infection, croup and thrush. This is on top of his virally-induced asthma. So he had 3 new prescriptions on Saturday. That night I was feeding him his freshly-pureed pineapple. I went to throw the bib in the wash and when I came back to him he had blood pouring out of his mouth. Okay, not like exorcist pouring, but like a heavy nosebleed coming out of his mouth. My first thought was some kind of reaction to the medicine. I cleaned up his mouth and remembered that he finally has a single tooth coming in. He also now sucks on his bottom lip trying to relieve the pain of teeth cutting through your gums. Luckily, once we cleaned up his bloody mouth, we found a small cut on his tongue. It stopped bleeding and that was the end of that drama. In retrospect, if I hadn't been so concerned, I totally would have taken a picture, cause The Dude did look pretty bad ass with blood dripping out of his mouth.

That's bad. He wouldn't look like a badass. He'd look like a sick baby and I'd look like a terrible, insensitive mom. Whatever.

No zoo pictures yet, but here's a random assortment of our life through my phone:

His visor and his expression crack me up

The kid looks good in a hat

The first picture he posed for. He saw the flash and went for it

Learning that the flash means make a funny face

Posing with a sweet face

Tore up and ate a magazine page. Tough work.

There's just too much to do on that dang exersaucer.

He sleeps there so he can wake up and resume play at the same place.

I think every baby sleeps like this, but it doesn't make it any less adorable.

Momma love.

Saving dogs, missing The Dude and other general musings on a slow friday

It's Friday afternoon. I'm sitting at work with little to no motivation. I also have little to no work to do right now. It's always a slow week when the boss is out of town.

My biggest accomplishment of the day thus far is that I have potentially helped save a dog. Everything is still up in the air right now, but it seems as though it could very possibly work out. I love nothing more than helping to save a life. I can't do much physically right now, but I can work like hell to spread the word/network and be a go-between.

Speaking of cute, cuddly things- I so miss The Dude today. He cried again when hubs and I dropped him off at day care. In one way, I absolutely hate it because it's the most pathetic thing to see a baby screaming, red-faced with his chubby little arms reaching out to you, saying "don't leave me!". Of course, he's not actually saying that. If his language skills were that advanced at 8 months, I'd be contacting Harvard, because he'd obviously be a genius. :) In the other way, I love when he does that, because he recognizes us as mommy and daddy and knows that we love him and he loves us. There's no feeling quite like it.

He's so clingy now. I tried to put him in his walker last night, and he dug his nails in and did a pull up on my shoulder to stay in my arms. Needless to say, the kid didn't go down in the walker. I've never been one to worry that my holding him "too much" and cuddling with him would make him too clingy. Luckily, I also read in Parents magazine yesterday that it's a total myth that holding your kid too much had negative effects on their life. Ha! Suck it.

Nothing sweeter than a baby face

Coddling the boy too much- cuddling while he sleeps

And, lastly, I paid for my first app ever. It's the ever popular Hipstamatic camera app. Everyone and their mom has it, and now I do too. It's silly, but it's fun.

My dogs and the grass-less parts of my backyard look so much cooler through "vintage film"

The shadow on this is a perfect pitty silhouette

My backyard almost looks pretty

The Dude Abides

First, I want to mention that I don't think I've ever actually called The Dude by his name on here. There's not really a sense of protecting him. I throw his pictures around all over this thing, and I'm an active Facebook mom. His name's Jude. I just like calling him The Dude. That's what mommy and daddy call him at home, so that's what he's named in the blog.

The Dude now has a tooth actually coming through his gums. It's barely poking through, but it's there. The poor thing has turned from quite the happy baby to a teething, screaming, lip-sucking mess. And this usually hits around 7 PM, right when I'm usually getting the best Dude time. It sucks to say the least. I don't get a lot of time to spend with him during the week, and it makes me a sad panda when the short amount of time I do have with him is consumed by crying and sleeping. It's just not like him!

One reason for him being so tired is that he's finally getting off his lazy butt (I jest) and learning how to crawl! He's not super competent in that arena yet, but he's getting there. He can scoot and move and is so happy when he finally reaches that toy he was going for. Or when he catches my big toe. He's done it a couple of times. He's a sneaky little one. He starts crawling one way, I turn my head and all of a sudden he already went back the other way and has placed my big toe in his mouth. If it wasn't disgusting it'd be hilarious. (Okay, it's hilarious either way, but I can't encourage it, cause it is gross.)

I have also discovered that he loves it when I sing to him. But only silly songs. Like the Itsy Bitsy Spider, and You Are My Sunshine. And I have to make him do the movements. It's not funny when mommy looks like a fool, but it's funny when Jude's doing the motions. He hasn't taken a liking to Benny the Magic Bunny yet, but I will change that. Actually, if I could get him through his childhood years without listening to horrendous children's music, I would consider that a giant success. He likes a lot of music in general, but if he could be singing The Beatles by age 2, he would be the best baby ever. He already is, but that would be the icing on the cake.

It continually amazes me how many compliments we get on him. I know he's beautiful, but I always think I'm biased (I am his mom.) But it never fails. And it's never "oohhhh, he's so cute!". It's always "oohhhh, he's so PRETTY! I mean, handsome." But it's okay. He's pretty. For sure. I've been buying some clothes out of the girls section (for the colors! No ruffles or anything.) but if I did go for the ruffles, nobody would believe he was a boy.

Which leads to the next development in his life. He LOVES his little Dude. Every time his diaper comes off- whoosh! His hands go south immediately. I think it's just a fascination with "what the heck is down there?" He has nails (because they grow an inch a day) and he digs in, so I'm fairly certain there's no pleasure element to it. It's just a fun toy that he uses to spray mommy with. All the time. Which, I have observed now that any time he pees, he shudders before and after. It's a.dor.able. It just is. There's nothing cuter than a baby with a cold chill. He does a full body shake. But back to the pretty factor. We had our friend Clay (Dirty Cheese Photography) do his 7 month old photo shoot, and it convinced me that if I don't get my kid some modeling gigs to put money away for college, then I am doing him a disservice. But, I'll never follow through. I wouldn't be able to take it if some photographer or set designer or whatever said bad things about him or thought he wasn't doing well. I'd be super pissed. Anyway, courtesy of Dirty Cheese Photography's Facebook page (since I haven't had the money yet to pay for the prints/downloads) here's Jude the model!

Til next time- which could be a day, it could be a year. You never know with me.

Another exciting day

Somehow my son slept until 9:30 this morning. That's probably because he was kind of up until 2 am. Normally, I'd be jumping up and down. But of course, I was supposed to be at work at 8:30 today. I never heard my 15 million alarms. And The Dude is always my back up system. He failed me today too. Oh well.

I'm at the point in motherhood where I am ready to reclaim my bitchin' self. I want to be cool again. I know I can find the balance. I spent half of my Saturday cleaning my son's room. I spent the other half drinking with friends over. I know losing weight will help me get back to that place. I know having my long hair back will help. I love being a mother. I love it more than I can describe. But there's more to me than The Dude (although he is a pretty awesome part of me). He makes me cooler, but I don't want to resign myself to mom clothes, reading Parents and Parenting magazines, and playing with The Dude all the time. Granted, he's a shit-ton cooler than my friends, but that's only cause it's hard to beat him in the cool category. Many have tried (not really), all have failed.

I'm ready. Ready to be an offbeat, tattooed, rock-n-roll loving, husband-in-a-band, show-going, friend-having woman again. It's been awhile.

Reliving the glory days...

...

A few of you may know that when I was around 20 weeks pregnant, I decided to go look at Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep's website. This organization is FANTASTIC, but is something no expectant mother should ever look at. For the next 17 1/2 weeks, I could do nothing but worry. It's so scary to have a being inside you, and not be able to see him or monitor him or keep him safe. So many unknowns can happen. The Dude was so inactive in the womb that it certainly didn't help. For those of you who don't know what Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is, it is a charity that brings professional photographers to the hospital to take infant bereavement photos. It sounds morbid, but as testimonies from the parents confirm, it is something that they need to have. It is something that nobody ever wants to have. I have lived in fear ever since that day. Even though my boy is a healthy 5 1/2 month old, the worry never ceases.

I just spent the majority of today reading a blog from 3 years ago (she's still actively blogging, but the particular posts were from 2008) and it has taken everything in me not to break down in tears. I knew before visiting her blog that she lost her sweet daughter 8 weeks after bringing her into the world. I read the blog from the ultrasound that told them her baby would be sick to about a week after her passing. Even though I knew this angel flew to heaven, I kept hoping and praying that the ending would change. That this poor baby would survive and thrive. I can't imagine what those parents went through. I can't imagine ever having to do that myself. I know of a couple here in Louisville that lost their sweet baby 2 months after he was born. He was not sick. Everything was seemingly healthy. I never heard why he passed, but I assume SIDS. I wonder why. Why were these parents' precious children snatched from them. Why am I the lucky one that gets my healthy baby boy? I don't for one second think that I am not deserving of my son, but I just wonder how this universe makes these decisions. Why do some live and some die? I've been struggling a lot with the matter of death lately. As my parents get older (not old, but older), as we were clearing out John's mom's basement and seeing his dad's funeral box, as we found a letter that John's dad wrote when John was 16 pounds (we're missing the first page and it starts with the word months, so we just barely missed finding out how old he was, but 4-5 months is a safe bet), as I look at The Dude and never want to leave him, and never want him to leave me. I am struggling with what happens when we're gone. I don't want to think about, but I can't stop. Reading this woman's blog about her incredible journey and the peace she had with her daughter's passing was inspiring. I know the journey doesn't end when our bodies give up. I know my family will be a family for eternity. But it's still a daunting and depressing thought. I can no longer think about the end. There is no end. Only love.

I'm doing horribly at this...

I thought I'd be a great blogger, but so far, I am so lagging behind. I guess an update on The Dude is in order. He is getting so big and progressing so much, it's mind-blowing. He holds his own bottle, he reaches and "unh, unhs" for things he wants. I asked him several times today to give me a kiss, and every time, I got a slobbery, gummy kiss on my cheek or chin. I absolutely love it. He's sitting on his own for a few seconds. He can roll over. He pushes up on his arms like a champ. It's just nuts. He's not a baby any more. He's a kid.

I picked him up from day care last week, and they had a six week old baby. I looked at that little bean, and I looked at Jude in his car seat without any padding or covers. And that same thought. He's not a baby anymore. He's a kid. I can't even remember what it was like for him to be so little.

I'm also really behind on pictures. I need to get them uploaded and edited and start taking more. I haven't been taking nearly as many pictures as I wanted to. I take a bunch with my phone, but I have a $600 camera that has been sitting for several weeks. I also have a video camera that we have yet to use! The whole reason I wanted the camera was for The Dude, and I haven't videoed anything. I have a couple low quality videos from my phone, but I can't believe I haven't gotten the video camera out yet.

We went to a friend's baby's 1st birthday party yesterday, and it made me so excited for December when Jude gets his 1st birthday. I'm in NO RUSH for him to get there, but it will be fun when it comes. Motherhood is exactly as I imagined it. It's been amazing and I have one of the most beautiful and sweetest babies I have ever seen. I am so lucky. It's been a lot of fun so far. I love my Dude.

Thinking real hard

Between the hoodie and the hair, one of my favorites of him

SOCK MONKEY! (Glad to know he shares my enthusiasm)

Stretchy face

Party animal

Dancing with G Mama

How much is that doggy in the window?

I am dying to get another dog. I LOVE my two girls, but with all the rescue promotion I do, I feel like it's my time to step up and help more. Even if we just fostered another dog, I would love it. But we don't have room for another crate. And The Dude is only 5 months old and we aren't exactly rolling in the dough.

But I look at the sweet faces of these dogs and I just want to save all of them! We may end up with a temporary foster as our friends need to find a home for their foster, and if they can't do it soon, we'll end up with her until a home can be found (I can't let that girl go to the pound!).

I'm just at the point where I feel like I'm not doing enough. I do my best by sharing every dog I can. I know that I feasibly can't take in a lot of dogs. My girls are still young and kind of territorial, but I would LOVE for them to get to know other canines. They need the socialization. I just want to win the lottery and open a rescue and live happily ever after with my dogs and my four kids (one day...)